Monday, January 19, 2009

Well it's Monday (MLK DAY) and I'm off work. I have a hair appointment this evening and I so dread getting out. Normally I'm excited to be getting my hair "did" but not today. I almost called and cancelled but decided to tough it out and go on.
I had a 3 day weekend this weekend and even though I worked a little bit on Saturday it's been kinda nice. I needed the rest I think. Haven't really done anything special but still enjoyed it. Well I can't really say I haven't done anything special cause I kinda have.....I'll explain....
Saturday night, we had tickets to the motocross show inside Miller Coliseum. I knew my kids would totally love it so I bought us some tickets back at Christmas time. We went to that and you would not believe the dust and dirt floating around in that place (from the track)..... So bad I could hardly breathe. So I sat through this whole thing (after a couple of coughing fits) thinking to myself, why do my lungs feel so full all of the time, why does it feel like I'm 80 years old physically when I know I'm not??? So after it was over going to the car was even worse than actually sitting in the place. It was freezing cold outside, we had a pretty good little walk to our parking space and by the time I got in the car my chest was killing me and I could seriously barely breath. I was having major chest pain-not go to the ER type chest pain, but chest pain like you have after you've just ran a race knowing you weren't in shape to do that chest pain-and after I thawed out a bit I reached in my purse and grabbed a cigarette and lit it up. I smoked about 3 drags off of it and threw it out the window. That was my last one. I haven't lit another one since. Yes it scared me, that whole night was horrible feeling the way I felt. I've been noticing my health starting to get kinda um "bad" lately I guess you'd say and just knowing that I somewhat have control over that makes me realize that I need to do better. I know that ultimately when it's our time to go, we'll go, regardless of how healthy we are, but knowing that I can do something to at least improve the quality of life I have while I'm here makes me want to do better. I had been smoke free for 10 years and I picked them back up again-and this time I LOVED it. I enjoyed it, I wanted it, they were Sooooo good....but yet I felt sooooo bad. Maybe it's cause I'm older, maybe it's cause I'm just plain "unhealthier" now than I was then, but regardless of the reasons my body was talking to me and telling me that I needed to stop. So, with that said, it's Monday evening and here I am, still no cigarettes. YEAH ME! However, with success comes a price.....I am extremely tired, I am irritable and I am so bored I can't stand it. I have nothing to do with my hands and I have to constantly think of things to do. It seems like this day is creeping by. So maybe a hair appointment is a good thing huh???? I went to the grocery store yesterday and I tried to buy healthy food, considering the last time I quit smoking I gained about 45 lbs. I do hope that doesn't happen this time. I'm trying to cut back (I didn't say cut out cause I can't give up everything at once) on the diet drinks too cause those just seem to bloat me and drink more water. So all this life style changing is hopefully good for me but be aware that I am pretty crabby and not really much fun to be around right now...ha...hopefully that'll change. Well I must go get something done to my head, maybe that'll put me in a good mood!!!! Have a good rest of the long weekend!!!

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